


House of Memories

by translevi



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canonical Character Death, M/M, Rare Pairings, Slow Romance, Trans Auruo Bossard, Trans Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-19 14:09:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13125312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/translevi/pseuds/translevi
Summary: His father had asked him once, both haunted in their own ways on a night spent at home. Their cups long empty, embers sparkling. “Is it harder to die, or harder to be the one that survived?” Auruo hadn’t known the answer then, he doesn’t know now, but death sounds like a blessing - so maybe that’s the answer.(AU where Auruo survives the 57th expedition)





	House of Memories

The snow fluttered down around them, gracefully vicious in their descent, painting the scenery around them shades of white. He hates winter, hates the snow and disease it brings. It’s always too cold and there’s never enough for everyone to last. Back home, at least. His brothers would get sick, his father, already weaker and exhausted, would be hit hard. And he, dumbass as he was, would end up sick with one thing or another, nose an embarrassing shade of red. Petra, heathen winter child, would drag him out regardless, _ooh_ -ing and _awe_ -ing at the snow blown in by the breeze around them.

Of course she’d feel bad later, but what were stupid best friends for if not enabling you to have a mid-day affair with your seasonal lover.

Auruo’s teeth chattered violently in the dead air, fingers long since gone numb as he shivered through the night. He truly hates winter. The tree branch stands sturdy under him, the only thing not covered in snow was the trunk he pressed up against, eyes scanning the horizon. He hates winter, but he hates winter missions more.

It’s night, will be for hours still, and all that stands to do is make the cold bite worse. The winter uniform is nowhere near thick enough, though rationally he understands why it must remain light. Auruo’s hands are shaking when he finally pulls them away from where he had been sitting on them, breathing heavily onto them and shaking as he tried to rub feeling back into his hands.

He scowls and shifts at the little change his effort brought on, his muscles are screaming at him from his sitting position, but he wouldn’t dare change it. He can pretend he’s warm with his knees pressed up to his chest, hands going back under him to sit. In his dramatics, times like this are when he reconsiders his choice to join the survey corps. And then his mind wanders back to the steel mill and his scowl deepens, mood truly soured for the time being before his mind tactfully reminds him of the things he can buy for his brothers when sending his pension off. He’ll shoot the shit any day, but he would never take back his choice.

And his mind takes that piece and runs with it, focus slipping and conscious wandering off. It did this often, acted without any fore-sight from Auruo. His judgement was rarely clouded, more in the midst of a swarm of titans or something else utterly fucking ridiculous.

The thought of titans makes him shift again, lips curling for the briefest second in something cruel and as cold as the snowy wasteland around him. Titans. His hands itch for the handles of his gear, tucked away safely in their holsters on his chest. He likes fighting, likes killing and winning, likes protecting the people he cares about. His solo-count is rocketing higher and higher, and he feels pride gleam at him. He’s sure his kill count is why Captain Levi picked him.

There’s no other explanation in his mind, no other possible way for him to have ended up on the special operations squad - though he’s barely out of the trial run period - he had nothing better to offer than his ability to cut them down. He’s fantasized before, about standing side-by-side with Captain Levi, second best to him and only him. Fame, recognition, a bigger paycheck… He plans to get there, one way or another.

His mind is off again, sledding down a hill of his own bullshit to some disastrous effect or another. He’s out in titan territory now and daydreaming about his captain. His mind’s version of Petra is already laughing at him, picking and prodding at him with a teasing glint in her eye. The branch on the opposite side of the trunk shifts, bits of snow falling from its needles and slipping back into the wind, at the mercy of its directional pull.

Then Petra is there, poking her face around the side of the trunk, somehow still smiling despite it being colder than balls outside. She had always been good at climbing trees, even when they were younger, much to her father’s dismay - he still remembers the one summer where she had to chop her long hair off up to her ears, tangled beyond repair due to a mix of sap and other things - she clambers over easily, light on her feet as she ducks and weaves through the branches to join Auruo on his branch.

She’s smiling in that blissful way she does, smiles that have become so rare since they joined the army that he could count their re-appearances on his fingers. Her nose and ears are red, lips tinged blue and she’s shaking in the chill, but she looks ecstatic about her circumstance nonetheless. He had something similar to crush on her when they were younger, still does now, but it is a gentle love, and not something strictly romantic in nature. He’s fine with that, and certainly fine with watching her go all stuttery and doe-eyed over squad leader Hanji.

Or any girl that looked her way for that matter.

They’d been sitting in silence for the past few hours, shivering and watching around them for any sign of moment. Titans don’t move at night, they had yet to see one that did, but better safe than sorry. That was reasonable, even though he hated having to be on watch. At least they only have a few hours left before Erd and Gunther are supposed to wake up and take their spots.

He could moan at the thought of curling up in a sleeping bag, hidden from the elements and slowly warming in the confined space. But that is still off for awhile now. Petra takes the time to curl up at his side, resting her head on his shoulder and he manages to pull one of his hands out from under him, wrapping it around her side and squeezing tight. Her smaller hands come up to cover his, her mittens an appreciated cover-up from the cold. His family is too poor, and he doesn’t mind having every bit of spare wool go to his younger brothers to keep them warm. He doesn’t hold back bits of his pension either - certainly not enough to splurge and buy mittens - but Petra is an only child, her only other family is her father, and some things are easier for her to get than others. She nuzzles into his shoulder and sighs dreamily, running her thumb over  his hands, slowly bringing the life back into them as she stared out over the snow.

“So,” And already, he recognizes that tone in her voice, recognizes that he’s about to get his own ass served to him. “Daydreaming about the captain again huh?”

Her tone is light, teasing, and he flusters immediately, spluttering out an indignant response that she laughs at.

Petra squirms against his side more, jamming her boney elbow into his side and leeching the warmth from him. “What was it this time, Auruo?” She cooed; sweet, sugary, innocent Petra, who was all of none of those things with him.

Her throat clears and he scowls, knowing he’s in for it now.

“Auruo Bossard,” her voice is fake-deepened, pitching higher as she giggles, “I couldn’t help but notice your extremely high kill-count.”  
“I hate you, I hate you shut up.”

Her voice pitches higher, stuttery and dreamy, like a school kid with a crush. “C-Captain Levi, sir, I didn’t- I didn’t realize you were watching!”

She bats her eyelashes at him and pretends to bite her tongue.

“You f-fuckin’ punk.” He hisses, shivering as a particularly hard gust of wind blew right through him.

This does nothing to dissuade Petra, anything rarely does. Instead she powers through it, and she’s known Auruo long enough to know that his whining and carrying-on was part of the game they played with each other.

“I’ve never met a man with such a high kill-count, aside from myself, I need a man like that in a lover.”

His face blooms red and it’s not the cold anymore, ducking down between his shoulders and hiding his face in his free hand, mortified. It seems to echo around them in the cold of the night and that just makes it _worse_ as she laughs. If anyone else hears this he’ll have to hop in a titan’s mouth on his own.

“C-C-Captain Levi, s-sir!” She’s shaking from barely concealed laughter, tears of mirth in her eyes as she taunted her supposed best friend, switching voices. “Take me now _Bossard_ you _beast.”_

He makes a noise similar to a dying animal and pulls away from her completely, this is the end of him, the hour of his demise is nigh.

She’s still giggling in the bubbly way of hers as his dramatics calm down, though his face remains a heated red and she knows she’s won when he does absolutely nothing to defend himself, instead choosing to mourn the remains of his dignity. Though Petra, his wonderful and lovely friend, would argue that he had lost the rest of that a long time ago.

He’s a bitter man, a man who is bitterly bitter-ish and bitter. He’s an okay person he doesn’t deserve this, and yet Petra dumps it on him anyway. They wouldn’t be each other if they weren’t taking the piss out of each other every few minutes. He looks forward to it despite his carrying on, loves snarking at her just as much as she loves winning their petty squabbles.

But now, there’s something else.

“Pet.” He begins, cutting through the silence. Against his shoulder, she hums, shifting and looking up at him through her eyelashes. He coughs into his fist, not from cold, nerves dragging his gaze away from her eyes. “So I’ve been thinking.”

“A dangerous past-time for you.”

“Shut up! Ya damn fuckin’ brat.”

“Miserable cuss.” She kisses her teeth at him.

He wants to get into it with her, wants to start up a back-and-forth insult reach-around, but the fire in him dies, dampened by the cold. He can’t see her eyes go wide, but she does sit up more, concern bleeding into her. Auruo’s not _Auruo_ if he’s not being a shit.

This is the boy back from home, before they joined the corps, back before she ever met him most likely. The boy with emotions, who was nervous and scared and loving and thoughtful and cared about his family more than he cared about his own life. This was not the masked, boastful man he played now.

“Auruo?”

He has dedicated his life to Captain Levi, determined to follow him forever. That man is his hero, someone he’d gladly worship. It might be a bit more than worship. He doesn’t know him well enough to love him, loves the idea of him he’s sure. No hero is that, deep down they’re still human. He wants to know that, wants to know the man that makes Captain Levi who he is. But he is young and he is stupid, full of fire and too stubborn for his own good. He wants something from him, something he doesn’t know the name for. He’s felt it before, but different, kind of like Petra but so entirely _not_ it leaves him confused and shivering, he confesses that.

“I think I like- think I _want_ the Captain.”

Petra is still by his side, thinking it over, thinking over her response.

“Want how?”  
  
He can’t love him yet, he’s known him for so little time. Yet it is so _him_ to fall headfirst into something he can’t name.

“Romantically.”

Petra closes her eyes and sighs against his shoulder, smile tugging at her lips.

“Oh Auruo.” She hums. “When did you stop being so blind?”

They sit in silence for the rest of their shift, climbing down once they see Erd and Gunther approaching, shivering and parting ways to head to their own separate sleeping bags. On his way, he notices that Captain Levi’s is empty.

He’s truly a dumbass.

Months have passed since that eye-opening talk in the trees, the snow melting and giving way for the gentle showers of spring, flowers blossoming up here and there. His family survived the winter, would be doing better in the warmer months, and when he comes back from furlough, Petra at his side, Captain Levi cracks down on spring cleaning.

The feelings he had hoped would die had just become stronger, pushing through and blossoming against all odds.

He really hopes he hadn’t just compared himself to a flower.

Spring cleaning is easy, gets his mind off things. Most tasks that contain work do, so long as he can focus on getting what needs done, done, he won’t have to think. Spring cleaning is, in theory, about cleaning the old out of your life to make way for the new, supposed to be spiritually cleaning or something. Petra would have a better explanation for it, would be able to spin some poetic twist on it. Like a wordsmith or an artist. He is just himself, stumbling and impulsive and downright dumb.

Some part of him, some bitter part that insisted on his mask in the first place wondered who he thought he was fooling, why Captain Levi could even _consider_ being with someone like _him_ romantically. A kill-count doesn’t make a man, and he would be lucky to even be half the person Captain Levi is.

In his delusions of how to deal with the problem at hand, he decides he needs to confess and get it over with.Tell the captain, get shot down, move on. That would be the simplest and easiest course of action. Assuming he can even get that far. He scowls at the broom in his hand, within his own thoughts as opposed to focusing cleaning.

Auruo, despite apparent common believe, isn’t stupid. Smug, falsified, maybe oblivious, but not stupid. He knows what he’s doing, can see the cravat as he stares down at the broom. He will never be the captain, will never be anything close to him. He is a poor mirror, reflecting bits and pieces but never the whole picture. The captain is calm in the face of death and challenging towards nobles and gods alike. He is unwavering at Erwin’s side and determined in bloody, bitter battle. He does not piss himself on his first mission.

Auruo scowls harder, grip tensing on the handle of the broom, knuckles slowly going white. He wants to be Captain Levi. In him, he sees a man strong and unafraid, so unapologetically himself in a way that he knows people can’t deny him. He wishes he had his strength, had his fortitude. But he doesn’t - as Petra is quick to point out - he doesn’t have any of that. All he has is himself and his delusions of grandeur, his family, and a shoddily made mask barely holding him together.

He confesses to the captain, the captain shuts him down, and in some broken, bitter-hearted tragedy, he loses the hero-worship he has for him and returns to whatever he was before he started copying him.

He sweeps with fervor, finishing his chores before the other three for possibly the first time since he and Petra had been brought into the squad, and slinks off after reporting to Captain Levi to find _someone_ with a drink in a mood to share.

Hours later - not tipsy but certainly not sober - finds him standing outside the door to Captain Levi’s room. It takes him a minute to knock, and in that time he almost chickens out, _would_ have were he sober. The door to the captain’s room is the same as any other door, but it’s the man behind it that intimidates him. His aura seemingly permeating the door and intimidating all those who stood in front of it. His imagination could be getting the better of him.

Hand shaking, poised to knock, he finally does.

The sound of it seemingly echoes through the quiet corridor. Soldiers would be at dinner now - _should be_ at dinner now, but Auruo is content to be here. Alcohol weighs heavy and warm in his stomach and it is the only thing that servers to calm his nerves, shot after all this time in the army. Seconds drag into an eternity from the time he knocks to the time that the captain responds, a dismissive call of _“come in”_ bouncing around in Auruo’s brain.

He regrets this decision so, _so_ much.

But, he goes in regardless. He had not made in this far by being a chicken. Unhelpfully, his mind reminds him of how he pissed himself on his first mission. He might do it again now. What’s worse, facing a titan, or facing Captain Levi?

He’s only been in the captain’s room a handful of times. It was neat, very tidy. That’s all there is to say about it. His desk is pushed into a corner, there is a small chest against the wall, and the bed remains made - as if he never slept in it - the only other thing of note being the small window towards the corner, and a door that led separately into what he presumed to be a bathroom. The stone floors were polished, and the walls were scrubbed. It’s very Levi _-esque_

The man in question, who haunts Auruo’s worst nightmares and plagues his sweetest dreams, is sat at his desk, paperwork dwarfing him in size. His pen twirls in his fingers, his face somehow conveying a boredom so grand that only a child in class on a warm day could rival it

His feet are somehow braver than he is, and without memory of giving the command, he finds himself standing in front of the captain’s desk, staring down a monster in the form of a man. A monster who had judged him once before and found him worthy.

He salutes before him, fist shaking against his chest and respectful as always. He remains in professional form - one worthy of a soldier. His arms remained folded behind him, pressed against the small of his back and Captain Levi still seems so damn _passive_. Auruo knows that’s just his face, but it’s terrifying in moments like this.

Captain Levi says nothing, simply shifting in his seat and raising an eyebrow, inquiring further. He can tell by Auruo’s body language that this is not a simple conversation, that his soldier is coming to him with a serious matter. He doesn’t push him to talk yet, but he does not have all day to wait around for him to. Auruo knows that.

Swallowing, mouth suddenly dry and heavy; he knows soldiers must submit themself to discuss anything that could endanger their ability to act on the field. Does a soldier still need to submit themself for sitrep if their endangerment lies in the hands of their squad leader?

Nerves shot, he bites the bullet.

“Captain, I’m here to submit myself.”

They hadn’t been on a mission lately, that could only mean that something had happened in town on his furlough, or that an incident had occurred with another soldier. In times like this, it was usually an announcement of intentions - romantic or sexual. Relations weren’t encouraged in the army, but in this case they weren’t frowned upon either. So long as the two, or more, soldiers in question could continue their job, the higher-ups would look the other way to seeing them together. When you could die any day, you find relief where you can.

“Oh?”

Is all that he receives in response, though for a moment he thought he saw a glimpse of something in his eyes. He’s heard the jokes before, has _made_ them himself. People had been expecting something to happen between him and Petra since they were still in training. It would be easier if it were Petra, but she is not the one that holds claim to his heart. She has a part of it, certainly, but the man before him holds a more intimate one.

He’s so fucking glad he’s had a drink.

“Sir, I’m interested romantically in-” _Petra, why couldn’t it be Petra?_ “-you.”

He stops fiddling with his pen, semi-relaxed demeanor disappearing instantly. Instead, he sits up straighter, genuine passivity schooled into something too practiced to be genuine.

“In me?” His hero echoes, scanning his face with any signs that Auruo might be fucking with him.

Auruo remains as he is, unattached and professional. As professional as someone like him can ever be.

It’s terrifying to face him, but he’s in titan territory now, he has to rely on his wits. “Yes, sir.”

The silence stretches on. Captain Levi is still studying him, watching and digging and Auruo can scarcely meet his eyes for longer than a second. Grey steel - sharp within a stare alone and he can feel it cut something deep in him. He must look like a fool, an unpolished, poorly duplicated mirror. He’s not fit to stand before him like this, never has been.

“What,” The captain begins, shifting in a way that Auruo recognizes from when he crosses his legs. “Do you expect to have happen here?”

He’s not stupid enough to think that romantic intent could ever soften the captain’s edges. “That I will either be turned down, or acknowledged.”

He has to pause every time he responds, has to think, has to actually be careful with his words. If he bites his tongue now he may simply ask the captain to slay him where he stands. There would be no witnesses.

“You’re not here to beg me to give you a chance?”

He’d be insulted if it weren’t so in character for him. “No, Sir. Just to bring it to your attention.”

Captain Levi’s arms cross on the desk in front of him, leaning forward slightly with fingers tapping the wood.

“I see.” He hums.

That’s the end of _that_ conversation, Auruo’s sure, something ugly and heated in his chest, embarrassment mixing with expected disappointment. He wants to be dismissed so he can run and mope until next morning.

“You understand, that I’m your superior officer, don’t you?”

_Sir, please don’t drag this out._

“I do.”

“And that, even if I _were_ to return your feelings, it would be completely fucking inappropriate to act on them?”

Auruo… actually hadn’t considered that. He had considered lots of things - how terrible of a person he was mainly - but the direct power imbalance between them was something that _hadn’t_ crossed his mind.

His silence must show need for further explanation.

“You and I both could easily get in trouble if we were involved in anyway. I’m directly higher than you and frankly-” He looks at him pointedly - “-it sure as hell wouldn’t be hard for me to get you to do something for me you didn’t want to.”

 _If I were equal to you, would you want me?_ He wants to ask, wants to know why he isn’t just shutting him down, but taking the time to explain this. He doesn’t.

“Right.” He swallows hard around the knot in his throat. “I’m not here to ask for a chance, sir, it’s a soldier’s duty to report themselves if something comes up that could endanger their ability to follow orders.”

The captain’s head cocks to the side just a bit, eyes masking an emotion he wishes he could name.

“Will this affect your abilities?”

Shivering, his hands balled into fists behind his back.

“No, sir.”

The captain nods once, picking his pen back up and turning his attention back towards the paperwork he had been doing before Auruo had interrupted him. “You’re dismissed.”

Nodding, Auruo salutes once more, before leaving. The door shuts behind him with an audible _click_ and his legs turn weak, leaving him shaking and stumbling down the hallway towards the remnants of dinner.

Eren scares him, not as a soldier; as a soldier Eren is a threat, a threat Auruo will handle even if it costs him his life in the end. As a civilian, as a man, he is terrified. Eren leaves him nervous and on edge, leaves the rest of the squad the same way. Gunther watches him, never saying much, eyes trained like a hawk. Erd is nice, falsely, but nice; Eren would never be able to read his lies. A serpent twisting endless coils into a grin, fangs hidden until the moment to strike. Petra gives him a chance, but she’s never around him unarmed, never around him when there isn't someone else a stone's throw away.

He doesn’t know, deep down, how to respond to Eren. Eren is, all things considered, a monster. He’s a freak of nature, terrifying and bloody and Auruo’s read the reports, he’s seen what Eren can do, knows that it will kill him. A dog will bite if you raise them wrong, and Eren has been raised bloody. Then there are times when he’s been reprimanded, and all Auruo sees is his brothers, younger and tired and still holding the remnants of innocence that only a child could have. Bloody, broken, enraged - Eren Jaeger is still a child.

When Captain Levi gathers all of them the night before the 57th expedition to run through the formation strategy and plan with them one last time, they commit themselves to dying to ensure Eren’s safety. Auruo lets the memory of his younger brothers burn him and he stays up late, tending a dying fire while running his fingers over the bite mark in his own hand; still healing.

Gunther falls first, he’s seen death, it’s hard not to in this line of work, but he’s never seen a death like this. They realize very quickly - _not quickly enough_ \- that it is not Captain Levi trailing them. _She_ shifts and explodes into an inferno that singes some of his hair and whites out his vision. He doesn’t look away, Eren is screaming, Petra is screaming - _rage_ \- and Erd is barely holding it together. Gunther’s head swings limp.

The wet _squelch_ signifies Erd’s untimely end, and She twitches while Petra pulls away. He’s screaming, he thinks, he’s so far away from what’s happening, hands shaking on the trigger for the gear.

A lifetime passes by in seconds, when he met Petra the first time, her soft eyes sparkling as she left him in the dust. Her father - _her father -_ birthdays, when he brought her to meet his family, enlisting together, their mutual desires to join the corps. He can remember the excitement, the pride at being invited to join the squad of _Humanity’s Strongest_. A lifetime ends with the crack of her bones echoing through the empty woods, smeared against a tree like a stain.

A rage so bitter, so _violent,_ consumes him.

He can hear an explosion later, faintly, but he can’t feel his legs, or the grass he’s against. Eren screams, and Auruo blacks out again.

There’s another smack, the sound of a tree falling, and then the only sound is the fading steps of a monster, bloody and victorious. He can see Petra, can see her hair still dancing in the breeze, as light and as glowy as when she was alive.

He’s content to die there, his family will understand. His father had asked him once, both haunted in their own ways on a night spent at home. Their cups long empty, embers sparkling. _“Is it harder to die, or harder to be the one that survived?”_ Auruo hadn’t known the answer then, he doesn’t know now, but death sounds like a blessing - so maybe that’s the answer.

The sound of gear brings him back into it, a _whirr_ getting closer and closer until it’s past him, hovering above Petra. His vision focuses enough to see _Levi_. Beautiful, brilliant, amazing Levi, who had always been better than him.

Auruo shifts just slightly, and Levi turns back, more at home in the air than he ever was on the ground. Their eyes lock and Auruo knows, he _knows_. Death is pain, but it is pain with an end. This agony is not one that leaves, this will be with him - _with Levi_ \- for the rest of their lives. That look will haunt him no matter how deeply he sleeps. Levi is not atlas, he cannot hold the world and yet he tries, like this Auruo can finally see the burden the weight of the world had left him with. That mask slips back over Levi’s eyes and he leaves to fly after Her, he’ll be back - if Auruo can make it that long.

Levi is human, scarred and hurting with eyes a fog of agony, and to Auruo he is a hero.

When Auruo comes to next, he’s in the infirmary. Somehow, _somehow_ , he’s in the infirmary. It takes him a minute, and then another, trying desperately to remember what had happened, where the others were - and then he does. It explodes in him and before he can bite it back he _howls_ , agony ripping from his lungs in a cry that echoes around the medical wing. He cries. He cries like he hadn’t in years, like he would when he was still a child, scared of little things like thunder or the dark - now he’s scared of teeth and loneliness, and they have both taken him. He can’t feel his legs, can’t feel most of him, sore and broken in places, so he sobs on his back, only using his forearm to muffle his tears. A doctor comes rushing in soon, unable to help but offering more medicine to dull his pain. Physically, it helps; inside he burns.

His tears have all but left him hours later, delirious with pain of every kind and staring at the ceiling. His squad - his family, his _friends,_ they’re gone. They’re gone and he did nothing, could do nothing, tried too late and fell too soon. He was never enough, and that was the story of his life.

The door creaks open, slow and unsteady, but it opens. He doesn’t look, doesn’t want to see _another_ doctor, doesn’t want _another_ nurse to check on him and smile - like they had _any_ idea what it was like to lose-- to _watch_. He can still see it happening every time he blinks, Gunther’s head dangling.

It’s not a doctor. Levi looks exhausted, Auruo can’t see much, he can’t actually turn his head yet, but he sees flashes of bandages around his leg. Levi wasn’t walking right, was he?

They make a sorry sight, the last two remaining members of the special operations squad, one crushed by the weight of tears he would never get to shed, and the other drowning under the sea of his own. Levi doesn’t say anything when he sits on Auruo’s bed, ignoring all nearby chairs and the other empty bed within the room. He sits with him, and like this Auruo _sees_.

He sees a man, not a soldier, not a hero, just a man. Levi is tired, hurting, and understands how Auruo feels better than anyone else in the corps could right now.

Levi’s stuff is moved into Auruo’s hospital room later that night, and finally Levi moves enough for Auruo to see that _yes_ he does have a crutch, meaning his leg is fucked. She took his friends, his family, took Eren, almost took _himself_ , but she could not take Levi, and that is comforting.

They spend the next few months together, he hears word of Annie Leonhardt crystallizing herself. There is a bit of pity, she is _16_ after all, but he remembers his friends and that pity dies. Levi was unable to help, and through snippets of conversation he learns more about him.

Moblit stops by later in the week, offering 3 drawings of the lost, immortalized in life while in the cold of death. Auruo cries again and Levi remains stoney and deadfaced through it all, comforting him whenever possible. He’s never seen Levi cry, and so he cries for him.

Levi becomes a second shadow to Auruo, he’s always nearby, and although Levi heals faster than Auruo, he’s still by the infirmary everyday.

It takes months for Auruo to re-learn how to walk; he’ll never regain full feeling in some parts of his back and legs. It takes some getting used to, but he adjusts. The gear is hard to re-learn, some parts familiar, some parts that he used to know are hard. He can’t feel some required muscles in his legs - he learns to tell other ways.

His first successful cut in a training dummy after _all_ that time makes him want to cry, he’s still useful - he can do this. He can keep fighting, can keep striving towards humanity’s freedom. For them.

It’s just him, Levi, and a handful of the 104th’s brats on the captain’s squad. It’s horrible, but they have to move on, can only go forward like this.

Levi has orders for all of them, on how to clean, on how to stack the wood for the fire, on how to watch Eren, but for Auruo he has something special. He comes to him at night, finding Auruo alone in the kitchen, nursing a cup of tea at a table that used to be full of _them_.

His steps are soft but not quiet, he’s letting Auruo know he’s there and Auruo appreciates that. The air is different between them now, and Auruo doesn’t know what to make of it anymore. Levi is passive, but his eyes are guarded, and Auruo waits, forgets to _breathe_ as Levi’s thin lips part;

 _“Auruo, this is an order,”_ The clouds in his grey eyes part, revealing a downcast of fear with a chance of something _more_. _“Stay alive.”_

His throat goes dry, breath coming out in a shallow gasp, fingers shaking as he swallowed. He will follow him anywhere.

_“Yes, Captain.”_


End file.
